There I was, married to a man I thought I would spend my forever with, only to find myself shattered and broken on the inside. Holding on to an empty marriage because I did not want to face failure. I did not want to face my children once “I” split up the family. So, what did I do? I continued to live as though I was happy, I continued to live in a world that I created to the public as a happy ever after, but in reality it was all a façade. It was a lie! I had died on the inside, I had lost myself, my dreams, my goals, and all of my aspirations. I stopped going to church and begin to drink heavily, I was depressed. I was trapped and lost inside of my own mind, inside of my own thoughts, inside of my own head and that wasn’t good for me.
How many times have we sacrificed for a man who didn’t love us? How many times have we been hurt and abused while left to pick up the pieces? I had done it too many times and I was tired of living this way.
Embarrassed of my situation I shut everyone out of my life and began to feel alone. I could not take it anymore I had to get help! I begin to believe again, I began to pray again, I got back into the church and I began to seek out God, again. It was time to lose the dead weight, I was ready for a change. But, while going through this new process of life nothing around me seemed to had changed. I was still stuck in an uncomfortable situation at the home front. It was impossible for me to ignore it anymore. I had no choice but to divorce him and become a single mother. I decided to start all the way over, again. In order for me to truly find myself I knew that this was something, I had to do. I had to let go.
Sometimes in order to free ourselves, we must leave our past behind and never return.
This was not an easy task for me, and there was a lot of work in the process, but in order for me to break away, I needed to keep it moving. 9 years of my life had passed me by. I had to break free in order to live a better, healthy, stable life for my children, and for myself.
If you have ever loved someone and they did not or do not love you back, then I have a question: why are you still there? Time does not come back around and it does not stand still for no one. Of course, I learned that the hard way by holding on to a marriage that was over years before I ever decided to leave. The best advice is if your marriage is no longer a marriage, and you have tried everything possible and it’s still not working, then it’s time for you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, let it go, and just walk away with your head held high.
There is no need to be embarrassed because it happens to the best of us.
Take it as a lesson and remember that you live and you learn. Learn from the mistakes and the many different heart breaks and get back to know YOU again. Love yourself the proper way, make time for yourself, learn your likes and dislikes, learn your limits, and most importantly learn what you want and don’t want inside of a relationship. By knowing yourself you will allow yourself to be loved the correct way because you will know all the things that you will and will not allow.
The Bible says in the King James Version (KJV) Psalms 34:18 that 18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
This scripture literally saved my life because it had become so true to me. It was in my spirit. When I felt my back against the wall, when I felt hopeless and depressed, when I felt desperate, when I felt low, when all of my self-esteem was gone I knew that the only person whom I could talk to and count on was God. There were many dark days but I am glad that I made it through by the grace of God. I surrendered my all to Him, and He pulled me through.
AFTER being broken you must know that it is a process to stay focused, and not try love again. Not until you have completely healed your heart. It’s vital to NOT jump into another relationship while fixing all of your brokenness. Jumping into a relationship prematurely will cause an unhealthy relationship, and I guarantee you that you do not want to experience that again. It is important to avoid that at all cost because you have to allow time for your heart and mind to heal. Never open another door before closing the first one because you never know what type of skeletons will jump out of the closet at you.
It is key to know that your next relationship has got to be your best relationship. Learning from your past and restructuring yourself, including your thought process, your heart, the way that you move as a woman will create a new atmosphere for you and for your new relationship. Decide to be happy again, decide to give your all again, love again. He will most definitely appreciate you because you are going to be the best you that you know how to be. This is what you have been waiting for so live and love again freely and openly.
If I can pick up my brokenness and love again, so can YOU!
Follow Taynia on INSTAGRAM