Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.”
One thing is inevitable, we will all have to encounter pain and suffering. It could be the death of a loved one, losing your job, or heartbreak from a relationship. Whatever form it takes one thing remains the same, it will hurt.
Recently, I’ve had to deal with the worse pain in my 26 years of life so far. I lost my grandmother. She was my beacon. She made me laugh, made me angry, made me smile and she loved me above all. I was her baby. She made me feel like I could do no wrong in her eyes. She made me feel like whatever was happening to me was ok because she was in my corner.
Seeing her in the hospital tore me apart. This wasn’t the strong and sassy lady I knew. When she passed, I felt my world break. I didn’t want to work. I didn’t want to write. I really didn’t want to continue living. Everywhere I go, I would remember her. The pain was overwhelming and to be honest, I felt like it was a little unbearable.
I found myself a little angry at life.
“Why is life so hard?” “Why am I hurting?”
It’s funny but this was the point in life where I decided that I didn’t care anymore. That I was going to do whatever I wanted in life because it was going to be taken away from me really soon. I began my search over and how to make a career out of the things I love. I’m not stressing over little things anymore. Life gave me these lemons so I’m going to add tequila and have a party!
And that’s where it hit me. This pain, this anger that life dealt me made me start on the course that I was meant to be on. I never thought that I would be the one to say thank you to suffering. It seems crazy! Why should I say thank you when I’m experiencing the worse pain or situation in my life? The pain of losing my grandmother and the pain of realizing that I’m going to lose so much more made me rethink this whole life thing.
When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.
I realized that everything I was experiencing was just the pressure I needed to transform into the diamond I was meant to be. I look at life differently now. It means so much more to me now. I want to live the life I would be happy about. I want to wake up every day knowing that I’m living the life I love and the one that she would be proud of me for.
I started back writing! Poetry, short stories, and more blogs. I started my youtube page. I started streaming on Twitch. I’m going to more festivals and becoming more attuned with my inner hippie. I’vebecomee more carefree and happy. I am who I am because of pain, but also because of the power I had to overcome it. So grabs those lemons that life is throwing at you. Make lemonade or make a lemon drop, and say thanks because only through pressure are diamonds formed.
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